


Somewhere in these eyes (I'm on your side)

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Canon Era, M/M, Pre-Canon, Trainee, lawsuit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-18
Updated: 2015-10-18
Packaged: 2018-04-27 00:23:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5026504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It'd been building for quite some time, neither of them could deny that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Somewhere in these eyes (I'm on your side)

Yifan joined the company later than Jongin did, or so Jongin had assumed considering he'd shown up one day in the practice room and had been introduced as a new trainee. Apparently he'd auditioned through the global castings and came all the way from Vancouver (a place that Jongin had never really known much about) just to train in one of the biggest companies in Asia. Yifan's Korean was shaky but still good considering he hadn't had much practice but he was obviously more comfortable speaking in either Chinese or English. It was unfortunate that foreigners didn't get treated the best in SME; Yifan, with his accented Korean and dark skin and tall frame, had been singled out from the very start.

Jongin was a more reserved person with a quieter personality than most of the trainees he'd gotten to know but he was reasonably popular. He'd made friends after a few months because of his dancing ability and how fast he'd picked up rapping. It was rare for the already settled trainees to make friends with newcomers but Jongin was curious about the new boy. Though his curiousity often did get the better of him he made sure that he didn't associate with Yifan, only looking from afar. Yifan fit in well with the other foreign trainees but was quiet like Jongin, making it harder for him to make friends. Jongin felt kind of sorry for him.

Yifan turned out to be more capable than Jongin and the others had given him credit for. He'd quickly become one of the best rapper in his trainee group and his Korean had gotten much better, his accent barely showing at all. Yifan was a fast learner- in everything but dance- and the others flocked to him as soon as they figured out that he was a safe bet. Yifan talked about his mother a great deal; how he missed her, how she supported his decision to start training, how they talked as frequently as they could, and how she would always be his biggest fan. Many of the boys in their group envied his relationship with his mother because they didn't really have that with their parents and soon they'd all grown to love her almost as much as Yifan did.

After around a year, Jongin and Yifan spoke for the first time. The boys had been separated into small groups that would be auditioning in front of a panel of executives for a chance to debut the next year. Their instructor had ordered Jongin to help Yifan after hours in order to make sure that his dancing was at it's best. The dance they'd been given was a bit more complicated than any of them were used to but most of them had picked it up fast, Yifan not being so fortunate. Jongin had agreed without hesitation despite the fact that he was sure that helping out the older boy would cut into his sleep time.

They danced side by side, keeping in sync for most of the dance. Jongin was impressed with how much Yifan had improved but noticed when Yifan got confused and tried to cover it up. The boy turned to the wrong side and grimaced, moving into the next combination of moves without stopping.

"Ah, hyung, wait." Jongin said and Yifan sulked a bit, stopping. "I know what you're doing wrong. You have to turn this way." He said and loosely demonstrated. "But you're turning the opposite way. I know it's a bit confusing but if you position your feet before the turn comes up, you'll remember."

"Is that what you do?"

"Mmm hmm. It makes the strain on your body a little less too." Yifan tried again and applied his corrections, dancing even better than he had been. Jongin smiled proudly and they started the dance over even singing the song they'd been given. Yifan had a nice voice that made goosebumps rise on Jongin's arms and his stomach twist which confused him. He shook off the feeling as they finished but it was back when Yifan turned and grabbed his hands, the smile on his face infectious.

"Thank you for helping me!" Yifan's accent came back fully when he was excited which was charming unfortunately. "I was really nervous that we wouldn't get picked because my dancing isn't very strong but now I'm much more confident." Jongin tried his best not blush.

"It was nothing, really."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a fabulous dancer? Honestly, you're one of the best I've ever seen." The praise made him feel lightheaded and giddy.

"You're just saying that." The boy's hands completely enveloped his own, leaving him to gape at how large they were. He was jealous that Yifan looked like a man though he was young- Jongin still had the face of a child regardless of anything else and would never be taken seriously until he got older. Yifan was statuesque and graceful despite the fact that he could be awkward with his overly long limbs and had a voice made of a rough type of silk; he was already a man. "I'm not even the best of the bunch."

"Don't be silly- you're very gifted and you've made the tough decision to train your gift. You're going to make it, Jongin." Hearing how familiar Yifan sounded when saying his name when his heart drop into his stomach and he could only nod dumbly.

When their group didn't make it, the two of them were split up and sorted into different groups to tackle the auditions with a new angle. All of their hours spent praciticing had gone to waste and Jongin had felt strangely lonely when Yifan had taken his place with his new group. He decided that it was best to not to make any seemingly lasting friendships with the other trainees because there was no guarantee that any of them would debut. He didn't want his heart to break when he or someone wasn't picked and they had to say goodbye.

Jongin thought no more of Yifan until another year later when they were sorted into a group that was set for debut: EXO.

\--

It took only a few minutes for the boys that were in the group to recognize each other. Including him there were 12 members; Joonmyun, Chanyeol, Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, Sehun, Zitao, Luhan, Yixing, Minseok, Jongdae, Yifan, and him. They had all met once or twice and were vaguely familiar with each other, making it easier for them to become one big family. When they were training they moved as one and embodied their saying 'We are one'.

Jongin recognized Yifan almost immediately. Yifan had grown slightly taller, leaner, and his hair was shorter. Apparently Yifan had recognized him too because he'd went right over to him and greeted him with a friendly smile. It had been a very long time since the two of them had spoken- they'd both been busy with other things- but they easily fell back into an almost brotherly bond. It didn't escape Jongin's notice though, that the man didn't let go of his hand for the entire duration of their brief. 

The group was looked down upon by the already debuted groups from the company and looked at with envy by the trainees who had no chance of debut in sight. Those opinions made the group members work harder than they technically needed to considering they'd already been guaranteed a debut. 

It turned out that the group of twelve was to be split into two sub-groups of six, EXO-M who promoted in China and EXO-K who promoted in Korea. The members all voted on who would be the leader of each group and came to the decision that Joonmyun would run the Korean branch and Yifan would run the Chinese branch. Almost as soon as that was decided, Yifan came looking for Jongin. 

"I'm scared." Yifan admitted honestly. That was one of the best things about Yifan; he was always honest. 

"To debut?" 

"No, to be a leader." The two of them were sitting in a practice room similar to the one where they'd first practiced together, making both of them more comfortable than anywhere else. It was strange to him that Yifan had turned to him immediately considering he had grown closer to members like Zitao and Chanyeol. "I'm responsible for five other people and then ten others when we come together. Even with Joonmyun's help that's a big responsibility." 

"Hyung, I think you're going to do great." Yifan looked at him as though he'd given him the greatest gift in the world and unbeknownst to him, he had. "You're strong and talented and more than capable. You're already our brother and we all respect you- why wouldn't you be a good leader?" 

"What if I screw things up for us? We've all worked so hard for this chance and I don't want to be the cause of ruining it." Jongin knew that Yifan still carried the weight of their prior failed group and wished that he didn't. That group hadn't been put together well but this one had- they were going to succeed. 

"You could never ruin anything, Yifan-hyung. I know that deep down inside you know that you're ready for this. You're going to make it, Yifan." Yifan's eyes sparkled and the man leaned forward, hugging him tightly. Jongin's heart fluttered at the contact and he found himself hugging back just as tightly. 

When they released their debut singles and had their showcase, things went smoothly. The twelve of them made a better unit than they made two but that wasn't their choice- the first few months of their career were spent separately. Jongin got close with the members of EXO-K and soon they were really just like brothers. He was closest to Sehun and Kyungsoo, spending most of his time with them. But when the twelve of them were together, Yifan and Jongin flocked to one another before anyone else. 

It was easy to be around Yifan; because they'd opened up to each other before, Yifan was comfortable with him and his personality was completely different than he'd originally thought. Jongin and Yifan shared many laughs and late night talks and even walked Jongin's dogs when they had time. Jongin found himself moving away from the brotherly friendship they'd had before and drifting towards something far more dangerous, something that he would keep to himself until the day he died. 

The 2012 MAMA awards rolled around faster than they'd expected and with them came excitement. They were performing with SHINee and also performing a DBSK song, meaning that the pressure was on to be perfect. They had gotten many good critiques but just as many bad ones so they had to make sure that they did their absolute best to prove that they were talented and deserved all of the attention they recieved. 

As soon as they hit the stage he felt a wave of pure bliss. Jongin moved like the music was in blood, the moves given to him at birth. When Mama ended and Mirotic began, Jongin's eyes were glued to Yifan. How the man moved was different than he'd ever seen him; Yifan had a burst of confidence that made the world fall at his feet. He knew that the entire audience was watching the man because even the other group members were. It came time for them to do their joint part and when their hands touched electricity flowed through his body in a jagged line that nearly made him leap backwards. When their part of the performance ended Jongin rubbed his hand and noticed that Yifan was going out of his way to avoid meeting his eyes. 

The group accepted their award in a huddle that reminded him of a football team. He was sandwiched between Chanyeol and Yifan, the two taller men whispering back and forth to each other. He wasn't expecting it when Yifan's hand came down on his shoulder and the man whispered his name. Jongin leaned close to him and Yifan's lips brushed his ear as he spoke. 

"Thank you." He hoped that the camera didn't pick up how Yifan's hand trailed down his back and the shiver that it caused. 

\--

Their first kiss happened at a completely random time. The two of them were sitting in the very back seat of the stretch van with the rest of the members asleep in the seats ahead of them. Sehun was sitting on his right, head against the window and fast asleep, Yifan was on his left and was just barely awake. He had been feeling odd ever since the MAMA awards and he didn't know what to do. He and Yifan hadn't really spoken very much over the past few weeks but they had been hanging around each other awkwardly, knowing there was something to say but neither one of them knowing how to go about saying it. 

Jongin bit his lip to stop the flow of things he wanted to say and turned to Yifan, staring at him longingly. There was so much that needed to be said and done, to be addressed, but he didn't know what he was supposed to start with.o'Hyung, something happened between us. I don't know what it was but I know you know that it happened.' He wasn't willing to lose one of his best friends because of something that he could've imagined. Yifan turned and looked at him with lidded eyes and Jongin snapped. 

He took Yifan's chin in his hand and leaned forward, brushing his lips against Yifan's before pulling away in fear. Yifan's eyes were fully opened after that and he looked impossibly shocked. "I.. I.." Yifan gaped. "I didn't- I didn't think that would ever happen." 

"Did you, I mean, did you want it to?" His voice was just barely above a whisper. Yifan's response was tangling his fingers in Jongin's messy hair and pulling him forward to kiss him again. The kiss moved from a kiss of simple and innocent discovery to a kiss of need. Yifan took complete control of the situation and Jongin melted against him; the desire for more was too strong. Though the manager (who was driving) was still awake neither one of them cared enough to stop. Apparently both of them had been waiting for that moment for years and now it was finally happening- nothing could've pulled them away from each other. 

He fought to keep himself upright and gripped Yifan's biceps as hard as he could to keep himself grounded. They pulled apart when neither one of them could take the lack of oxygen anymore but kept their foreheads pressed together as they sucked in ragged breaths. The corner of Yifan's lip twitched and soon both of them were grinning like fools. 

"Yes." Yifan murmured. "I wanted that to happen and have for the longest time." 

"What does this mean for us?" 

"Whatever we want it to." 

2013 brought more cameras into their lives and the pressure was on even more so. The group was promoting as one unit which meant that Jongin and Yifan were allowed more time together. They shared many hushed kisses and cuddles, deciding that it was best for them to have a relationship in secret. It was safer for the least amount of people to know and that turned out to be just them. Their relationship was something that he treasured and knew that Yifan did as well. But the company was pushing the relationship between Zitao and Yifan, making him unable to spend that much time with his boyfriend. 

Normally Jongin would've been jealous but he knew that Yifan and Zitao only had a platonic relationship- Zitao only had eyes for Sehun and Yifan was dating him- so he didn't really mind. The only thing he minded was that they were having trouble juggling their relationship and their work without people finding out about them. Jongin tried his best to not be self-conscious about their lack of contact but was struggling by himself. 

On one of the rare days they got to themselves, Yifan and Jongin found themselves in bed watching a movie on Jongin's laptop. It was a foreign movie that Jongin had to work hard to keep up with but Yifan said it was his favourite. The older man was using his thigh as a pillow and Jongin was stroking his hair as he often did. It was a habit that he couldn't break because it made him feel so much better than anything else did. While he was trying to focus on the movie Yifan was clearly not paying attention. A few minutes later he felt Yifan nosing along his groin. His eyes widened and he looked down at the blond who was still continuing his gentle exploration. 

They had never gone past kissing before and the idea of going beyond that freaked him out. Yifan looked up at him, eyes questioning and almost pleading for a response to an unasked question. Jongin paused the movie and placed the laptop on the bed beside him. He looked down nervously and nodded, Yifan's eyes gleaming at his answer. 

"Lie back." Yifan's voice was husky and showed how old he was. Jongin obeyed nervously and fell back against his pillow. The blond placed his hands on either side of his head and lowered himself so that their bodies were flush together. Jongin's heart sped up at the look Yifan was giving him and he resisted the urge to close his eyes. "Do you know how much I care about you?" He couldn't bring himself to speak. "Ever since you helped me dance- you just meant everything to me instantly. I wanted to know you, Jongin, I really did and now I do. I'm so glad that you believed in me." 

"You've always been capable Yifan. You just needed a push." 

"You are so perfect and you're mine." That ownership made his chest tighten with satisfaction. "I'm yours too, baby. Everything I do is for us." Deep inside he knew that it was too soon to make that kind of claim but he couldn't stop the words from spilling out just like he couldn't stop himself from kissing Yifan that very first time. 

"I love you." The almost sob that came from Yifan made him whimper. 

"God, Jongin." Yifan's eyes were full of tears. "I love you too." The man kissed him softly and Yifan let himself fall onto Jongin completely. Their hips began to move of their own accord and their kiss changed drastically as it always did. Yifan was everywhere; his scent, his hands, his body, his lips. He moaned and Yifan moved down his body leaving kisses in his wake. Soon Yifan was pushing down the waistband of his sweatpants and Jongin blushed when he remembered that he had followed Sehun's lead and not worn underwear. 

Yifan grasped his cock and he whined lowly. The elder moved his hand up and down slowly until he was fully hard. He blushed when Yifan pressed a gentle kiss to the head and then slowly took him into his mouth. The feeling was intense and made his head spin. He began to suck and lick at the same time, the pleasure of his actions making him struggle to keep himself from coming. The man made it harder than it needed to be, Jongin panting and gripping whatever he could get his hands on. When Yifan started to bob his head he lost it and came embarassingly quickly. Yifan swallowed and licked the remnants off of his cock, all while keeping eye contact. 

"Forever." Jongin whispered and Yifan smiled. 

"Forever."

\--

By the end of 2013 their popularity had skyrocketed in ways none of them understood. Soon they found themselves back at the MAMA awards with an even bigger showcase than the year before. During the performance Kyungsoo landed wrong and hurt his ankle, causing them to all rush backstage as soon as the performance was finished. Yifan and Joonmyun were wrecks and felt personally responsible for the injury. 

"Everyone calm down." Their manager said as the medic finished wrapping Kyungsoo's ankle. "It was just a bad landing." The man looked over at the two leaders who were weighed down with grief. "This is no one's fault." 

"He'll be fine." The medic assured. "He just needs to not dance for a few weeks and things should heal up on their own." 

"Thank you." Joonmyun said and bowed to him. The medic left and so did the managers, the members all rushing to Kyungsoo's side once they were alone. After Jongin had checked that Kyungsoo was okay he walked over to Yifan- who had been standing in the corner- and placed his hand on his arm. He wanted to hug him and reassure him but in front of the others that was impossible. 

"Please don't do this to yourself." Jongin whispered. "This didn't happen because of you."

"I should've made sure that we all knew the proper way to land."

"It was a freak accident so there was no way of stopping it. You are not to blame."

"Then who is?" 

"No one." Yifan seemed to calm down after a few minutes and nodded. 

"We have to go and accept our award soon." 

"Let's focus on that." They held hands briefly and let go before any of the others saw. 

The 11 of them accepted the award and most of them did speeches. Jongin stood at the back and couldn't contain his tears. So much had happened since their debut and he never wanted that happiness to end. Yifan found his way back to him and stood beside him quietly until he realized that he was crying. He ignored the rules they'd set for their relationship and hugged him, Jongin leaning his head on Yifan's shoulder. 

At that time he made a wish, a wish that he could only hope would come true: he wanted their family to remain one forever.

\--

2014 started out slowly, the twelve of them preparing for a comeback. None of them were happy that they were splitting up again and the company didn't listen to their complaints, insisting that it was for the best. In the months leading up to their comeback Jongin noticed that Yifan was growing weary. He was worried about his boyfriend- Yifan had never been like that before. He was colder and sadder, much different than the person that he'd been in all of the time that they knew each other. 

"Are you okay?" He asked the man one night. The two of them were alone together for once and instead of taking advantage of their freedom Yifan had decided to stay in the dorm. Yifan turned and smiled weakly at him. 

"I'm fine, why?" 

"You just... you seem a bit tired." 

"We're all tired these days. This comeback is a very exhausting one- the choreography is ridiculous." He knew that he should've been reassured by that but something was nagging at him. There was a strange look about Yifan- something more. 

"Is that all?"

"Yes baby. I just need to rest a little bit and I'll be good as new." Yifan kissed him on the nose. "It's cute of you to worry about me." 

"It's my job." 

EXO-K's comeback stage was odd without the other six members. There was a sense of loss without their brothers and it took a toll on them both physically and mentally. They had to make up for the lack of members by working harder than they normally did. Jongin watched EXO-M's stage and immediately noticed that the strange look in Yifan's eyes was there even more than it had been before. Worry ate at him and he forced to keep calm. Whatever was happening, Yifan would talk to him about it. 

As the weeks passed by and the EXO-M members returned to Korea, Jongin continued to notice the dark cloud that hung over Yifan. He made sure to treat Yifan normally but snuck in some extra tender moments. 

The night before their last practice for their tour, Yifan came into his room. Luckily no one was in bed so no one saw that Yifan crawled into Jongin's bed beside him. Without saying a word Yifan kissed him. The air between them simmered and he felt the change, the urgency. He made the first move and snuck his hands underneath Yifan's shirt. Clearly Yifan wanted more and peeled his shirt off of his slick skin, throwing it on the floor and doing the same to Jongin's. Jongin found himself rutting against Yifan's hips and choking back the fear he felt. 

"I need you." Yifan gasped. 

"You have me."

"Please Jongin, please." He nodded and the two of them stripped each other frantically. "I love you so much." 

"I love you too." Yifan's face was wet with tears and Jongin kissed them away. 

"Need to feel you." The brunet whimpered. "I'll always need you." That felt terribly ominous and made his throat close momentarily. 

"You're the perfect one for me. I will love you for the rest of my life. You own me." 

"Please." Yifan sobbed and Jongin climbed off of the bed, walking over to his cosmetics bag and searching blindly for the lube that he had hidden there. He found it and ran back over to the bed, climbing onto it and handing the bottle to Yifan. 

"I trust you." They repositioned their bodies and Jongin held up his legs, spreading them just enough for Yifan to be able to shove a lube soaked finger into him. He mewled and the stretch began to burn as Yifan shoved another finger into him. It took four fingers for him to be opened enough and by that time he was a mess. "I love you Yifan." 

"You and I- that's all that I need." Yifan was inside of him in seconds and Jongin closed his eyes. A sob shook him because he knew, he knew what they were doing and what it meant. Over the years he'd learned to interpret things that Yifan hadn't said and what he'd discovered was one thing: goodbye. 

"I'll always be on your side." Yifan's rhythm was broken and so was Jongin's heart. He still found pleasure in the way Yifan stroked his inner thigh and how he leaned forward to kiss him. He wanted to know that he would always be in Yifan's heart regardess of anything that happened. He moaned half-heartedly when Yifan struck his prostate and let the tears fall. Please stay. There was nothing he could do to make Yifan change his mind though he wasn't 100% sure of his decision. 

"Always?" Yifan panted as his thrusts and breathing grew shallow. He cupped Yifan's cheek and nodded. 

"Forever." 

\--

"He's a traitor." Zitao's voice was venemous. "How could he do this to us?" 

"I never thought that he was so selfish." Joonmyun said and crossed his arms. "He's supposed to be a leader but he's just a deserter." Jongin was growing angrier by the second. He had no choice but to sit there and listen to the other's trash talk someone that they'd been brothers with for years. The real traitors were the 10 of them; they'd turned on him when he needed them the most. 

"I've never been so disgusted." Yixing sneered. "What kind of man just slips away without a word like that? He's a rat." Jongin pushed his chair back and stood up. 

"I can't believe all of you. You're acting like children and being cruel to someone who isn't even here to defend himself!"

"And is it our fault that he decided to walk away?"

"You're all pathetic." He stormed out of the room and ignored the chorus of shouts he got from the members. There was a strict contact ban on Yifan but he didn't care. Jongin called Yifan's phone and he wasn't surprised when the man didn't answer. 

"This is Yifan, sorry I can't come to the phone right now. Leave a message and I'll get back to you." Jongin wanted to cry at the sound of his voice. He wanted to hear him live and feel his arms wrap around him from behind, wanted to be close to him again. It was too late for any of that.

"You're going to make it, Yifan." He said and ended the call. 

As the months passed by Jongin grew more and more distant from the members. The members made sure to never mention the name 'Yifan' and pretended like he had never existed. It bothered him to know that the company was sueing Yifan and making his life as much of a hell as possible and there was nothing that he could do about it. But true to his promise, he was always on Yifan's side and would never not be. Every night he texted Yifan a simple 'I love you' until the day the number became out of service. 

"You're going to make it, Jongin." As it turned out, he had already made it. The day that Yifan started believing in him was the day his dream had been fulfilled and he knew that Yifan felt the same way. Yifan would never come back to EXO but he was confident that one day they would meet again and that was what got him through each day.

Jongin woke up the day before his birthday 2016 to a text from an unknown number. 

'It's all for you and it always will be. I love you Jongin.'


End file.
